Thoughts About Comments

The most helpful comments that I recieve are also similar time to the kind that I give. Those comments are called sandwich comments. Those comments are where there is a compliment, a criticism, and another compliment.

I also find comments to be the most helpful when they give me specifics. Because I have gotten comments where they say "you have typos" or "you have too much commas", but don't tell me specifically where those typos or comma errors are, and those comments are not helpful! What is helpful is when they give me specific typos and sentences with the comma errors, so that I can fix those errors easier.  

So, I like sandwich comments that are specific, and those are the sort of comments that I usually do.

Week 5 Storytelling: Autumn Storm

(Jobey, the main character!)

"Autumn Storm"

After my parents divorce, the library was my only solace. I couldn't be around my Dad anymore, he just reminded me of my mother who had run off with a guy half her age.

I read anything I could find in the library, until I found the author Autumn Storm, and then that become the only shelf I went to. She had a series of books called "The Darklands Chronicles", that took me to a fantasy world of the Darklands--a world that I wanted to be part of.

The land was filled with magic-users, elves, faeries, vampires, and shape-shifters.

I wasn't the only one who was a fan of hers. I mean, I didn't know any fans, but online there were many fanfictions and fanart about her series.

There was one thing I wanted to know: who she was. But, she never revealed her identity. Her name was no doubt just a penname. She didn't even allow interviews.

So, after school I went to the section of the library with all of her books.

One day as I arrived to the shelf, there was a fruity smell in the area in front of her books. The smell was across between cotton candy and raspberries, and it was intoxicating. Each day I went to her shelf at the same time, and I smelled that perfume.

It sounded crazy, but, I had to know whose perfume if was.

I knew that whoever wore that perfume, also loved Autumn Storm books. I imagined it was a beautiful brunette girl, or maybe a blonde, or maybe she had pink or purple hair!

So, I started to get there earlier, to see if I could find her, but whenever I arrived there was only the smell.

I became obsessed. I had to find her.

I had an idea in my head each time I went to the library. This day it was a meek girl with mousey  brown hair and glasses. I half-wondered if the girl was younger or older than me. I hoped she was my age, 16.

Would she like a guy like me? I hadn't cut my hair since mom left. I just stopped caring about a lot of things. Dad never did laundry, so my clothes were dirty. I didn't smell good, not like she did.

I got there earlier and earlier, and finally I skipped my last class to go to the library.

I imagined a pretty girl with black hair and red lipstick, who dressed in Gothic clothes, as I headed to the shelf with my Autumn Storm books.

When I reached the shelf, I smelled the perfume. I walked towards the Autumn Storm books, and saw a girl with her back to me and a nose in a book.

I was surprised to see someone much like what I imagined. She had long black hair, and a frilly black dress that was covered in lace.

"Hey," I said. I wasn't usually so bold, but I'd been trying to find her for weeks!

She lifted her head, and turned to me. She was Asian, and wore bright red lipstick. "What?"

(The Girl With The Perfume) 

Her voice was deeper than I expected, her hands were large, and her chest was flat. She may not actually be a she, but she was still beautiful to me.

"I..." I stammered.

What was I going to say? Hi, I'm Jobey, I've been looking for you for weeks.

I finally asked, "Do you like Autumn Storm?"

"Not really," she replied.

"Seriously?" I stepped back I was so shocked. "Why not?"

"It's hard to explain," she said.

I sat in front of her. "I have time."

She smiled, blush across her cheeks. "You like Autumn Storm?"

"Is that even a question." I laughed. "I've read each book like twice. Her books are amazing."

"You think so?"

"Oh yeah, and I mean when I'm not reading her books, I'm reading fanfictions, and looking at fanart," I confessed. "I guess I'm a little...obsessed."

"Obsessed, huh?"

"Yeah, so why are you sitting here, with an Autumn Storm book if you don't like her books?"

"I guess I like seeing them here," she said. "I don't know if I like them or not. It's hard to say."

"Well, you gotta start with book one," I said. "Seriously, trust me. You will love them."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!" I said. "Here." I handed her the first book. "Seriously, read this, and then tell me you don't like her book."

"Alright," she said, smiling, and taking the book. She turned away from me, and started to read it.

I got out the book that I was re-reading, and sat next to her.

Truth be told, I had a hard time focusing on the book. I kept glancing at the girl. She really was pretty.

It was about to be closing time when she closed the book, and laid it in her lap.

"So, what do you think?" I asked.

"You're right, it is pretty good," she said.

"Pretty good? It's amazing!"

She laughed and said, "Alright, it is pretty amazing."

"I knew you'd change your mind," I said.

"Yeah, well, I have to go home," she said and stood up.

"Wait," I said, and stood up. "What's your name?"

"Autumn Storm," she said with a wide smile.

Author's Note:
To clear things up: No, the girl wasn't joking, she actually is Autumn Storm. Also, yes, she is transgender (hence why she isn't exactly a she.) But, Jobey doesn't care about that. He still likes her and thinks she's a pretty girl. I'm sure he likes her even more after that last line!

I got the story idea from section 3 of the Mahabharata (PDE). In there was a story about a man who smelled a girl's perfume, and found her, and well in love with her.

I made it a modern Young Adult story, and I thought the whole he had a favorite author and the girl with the perfume ends up being the author would be cute. I also wanted to add diversity, and so I thought of Autumn, who I think is so adorable!

If you guys really like Autumn and Jobey, I can try to make a sequel.

Reading Diary B: Mahabharata (PDE)

PDE Mahabharata

(Water Fairy or Water Nympth)

Part B:
21. The House of Fire

• Twins
• A beautiful palace, soaked in oil, and made of wood. The fiery plot! But, they manage to escape.

22. Bhima and Hidimba

• Living in wilderness (Nice setting for a story. Maybe a character who is trying to live off of the land, or lives with wind animals. Idea: a character raised by wolves, or maybe raised by WERE-wolves. Setting: a wild forest)
• Hidimba the Rakshasa. Long sharp pointed teeth. Eats humans, flesh and blood.
• Rakshasa woman who fell in love with a human. Instead of killing him for her brother, she assumed the shape of a beautiful woman. Clad in flowers and such.
• "Eyes like lotus blossoms"

23. Bhima and Hidimbi

• A Rakshasa son. Rakshasa are born full-grown (I feel bad for the mother...)
• "O celestial being..."

24. Bhima and Baka

• Weapon: a mace.
• Asuras are akin to Rakshasa but are good or bad. They can be benevolent (unlike Rakshasa.)

25. Brith of Draupadi

• Disguises and mistaken identity! Always a nice plot device.
• Supernatural birth.

26. Draupadi's Swayamara

• Swayamara, a tournament of sorts where a woman's husband is selected.
• A magical bow. (Takes me back to the Ramayana)

27. Wife of the Five Pandavas

• A woman with five husbands. (Or a girl with five boyfriends. What if in the story five guys like one girl, and she can't decide which guy she likes. At the end she chooses one, or she chooses none.)
• Alternatively: what if a girl is dating a guy who has five personalities (due to a split personality disorder.) So she is essentially dating five guys, even though they are all technically the same guy.)

28. The Story of Nalayani

• Karma

29. Indraprastha

• Forest robbers (trying in with an above story, the setting is a wild forest, an a girl is a forest robber. Possibly a Robin Hood sort of theme) 

30. Arjuna and Ulupi

• Setting: the jungle 

31. Arjuna and the Asparas

• Fairies! A story with fairies. 
• Water nymphs. 
• A story containing fairies, water fairies, or water nymphs.
• Something that allows one to never be killed by something in the water.
• Fighting an alligator, who becomes a lovely girl.

32. Arjuna and Chitra

• Kama, the Goddess of Love.

33. Arjuna and Subhadra

• Maya, the Goddess of Illusions. 

34. The Burning of the Forest

35. Maya's Palace

• Palace of Illusions
• Heavenly palaces
• Mistaking crystal for water and for a doorway. The King as a fool. 

36. The Pandavas Victorious

• A Rajasuya sacrifice. 

37. The Gambling Match

• Warriors must accept a gambling match.
• Loaded dice. Should be punished by the Gods or something for cheating.

38. Draupadi Lost

• FATE. Story themes or morals: You cannot escape fate. 
• Serving as a slave in a castle. 

39. Draupadi in the Assembly Hall

• Princess 
• Flames of wrath

40. The Second Match

• Just when you think someone's safe...they're not! 
• Bad omens: jackal's howl and donkeys and raves reply. 
• Dark omens
• Blind person 
• "Noble Queen", "virtuous daughter"

Reading Diary A: Mahabharata (PDE)

PDE Mahabharata:

(Apsara)

Part A:
1. Vaasa and Ganesha

• Brahma is the creator God, who has four heads.
• Ganesha is the remover of obstacles. He also has an elephant head.
• WEIRDEST creation story EVER!
• Dwaipayana: island born.

2. King Shantanu and Ganga

• Ganga of the Ganges River.
• Eight Vasus.
• Ganga in human form: wearing celestial garments with the splendor of lotus blossoms, rare ornaments, and teeth radient as pearls.
• A lot of infanticide in this story... (Insert horrified emoji here.)
• Ganga deserts the King. 

3. King Shantanu and Satyavati

• A sweet and alluring perfume coming from a maiden. 
• A man follows the perfume to the maiden. (This would make a cute YA Romance story. Maybe a boy is at a bookstore and smells a perfume, tracing it to the girl. Or maybe her perfume lingers and he always misses her just by moments, but then one day he finally gets there on time and finds the girl who wears the perfume.)

4. Devavrata's Vow

• Flowers falling from heaven. 
• Apsara is a female creature from the clouds.  They can change their appearance at will. They are also beatiful, elegant, and great at dancing. They can also change the fortune of gambling games and such. They often marry Gandharva, who are skilled singers. They love to listen and dance to their music
• The Apsara is an interesting supernatural creature and could be a great character in a short story!

5. Bhishma at the Swayamvara

• Asuras are benevolent Devas (or deities.) Asuras are a supernatural creature, usually compared with Rakshasas and ghosts.

6. Amba

• Shiva is one of the three major Gods. He is known as "The Auspicious One" or "The Great God". He can be in the form of Vishnu and Brahma. But at his highest form, he is formless and transcendent. This is a very different God than what I am used to in Mythology.

7. Dhritarashtra and Pandu

• Sadhu is a good man or a holy man. He usually has paint on their face and wear saffron clothing.
• Pandu means "the pale one".

8. Kunti and Her Son

• Kunti is of celestial origin. Her mother was a nymph, and father was a holy Brahmin and her brother was the father of Krishna.
• Surya is God of the sun. He wore celestial earnings.
• Her son had Surya's earnings and a  invulnerable coat of mail.
• She set the basket afloat with him in it. (Hmmm, sounds familiar...?)

9. Pandu and His Wives

• Being in animal guise. Reminds me of shape-shifters or were-creatures. 
• Arrows with golden feathers. 

10. The Sons of Pandu

• A funeral pyre, or a sati, is when a widow burns herself on her husband's funeral pyre.  

11. Gandhari and Dhritarashtra

• Being blindfolded. 
• A blind person.

12. Pandavas and Kauravas

• A royal city. 
• Chariot
• Lions

13. Bhima and the Nagas

• Nagas are snake creatures. 
• City of serpents in the Underworld.
• King of the Nagas.
• A draught of strength. (Had the strength of Giants.)

14. Drona

• Brahmin are priests, teachers, and protectors.
• Kshatriya (warrior) is the ruling and military class. 
• Guru (teacher) 

15. Drona Trains the Princes

• Becoming the greatest archer. (Or crossbow-er OR gun-totter in modern times. 
• Becoming a mighty swordsman (or woman!) 
• Someone being the most modest, perfect, and fearless.
• Knowledge of astronomy. 
• These qualities are interesting when comparing these knights to the chivalrous Knights from the Middle Ages.  

16. Ekalavya

• Being outside of a caste system, but having their own culture and society. What an interesting on concept. This would make an interesting story comparing royalty to, well, rags.

17. The Contest

• A mock fight that gets serious 
• Displaying skills in a tournament (takes me back to Arthurian Legend and Lore!) 

18. The Arrival of Karna

• An unknown warrior! A mysterious stranger...
• His eyes "flashed fire." 

19. Drona's Revenge

• Garuda, a large bird creature.
• Cover the ground with "rivers of blood."
• The sky "rained" arrows.

20. Duryodhana's Jealousy

• Telling lying tales.
• Deceit and treachery! 
• An evil and cruel Prince. 
• A wicked plan: soak furniture in oil, so it can be burned easily, and then the palace is to be set on fire, with the inhabitants in it.