Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Week 1 Storytelling: Colt Collides with Bullet

"THERE was a little boy and a little girl
Lived in an alley;
Says the little boy to the little girl,

"Shall I, oh! shall I?"

Says the little girl to the little boy,
"What shall we do?"
Says the little boy to the little girl,
"I will kiss you." 

(A traditional nursery rhyme)


"Colt Collides with Bullet"

The lighter felt like a live wire against my hand, as I ran from the gas station that I stole it from.

Borrowing things from people has become a career for me, and yet each time I feel that same Pop! Zing! and Zap! of adrenaline.

I tossed the lighter in my over-sized bag, and kept running until I found the dank, dirty, and dark alley. The crumbling alley walls was the closest we had to a home.

(Image from: Judy van der Velden)

"Bullet, there you are!" A familiar voice said. "I was wondering if you got caught this time."

I looked up into equally familiar chocolate brown eyes and a sideways grin that flashed crooked teeth. Dirty bottle-dyed black hair spilled out from under his beanie.

"And on that day Ragnarok will swiftly come, Colt," I said. I slid down the brick wall of the alley, settling against a lumpy pillow. I pushed stray strands of brown hair from my face.

"I bet I beat you," Colt said.

"Then let's hope Thor can kill Jormungandr, 'cause Ragnarok's on it's way," I said and laughed.

"Sure, sure," he said, looking up into my eyes, but my eyes settled on his chapped lips.

I shook my head, because, no Colt was my friend and nothing more. Or, well, we were supposed to be just friends. Try telling my heart that...

"Alright, so I got..." Colt said and emptied his backpack on the ground as he announced, "Protein bars, candy bars, instant coffee, and..." He stopped for a moment. "Well, I'll have you wait for the grand finale."

I shrugged and emptied the pockets of my purse into a pile next to his. I had got snack cakes, trail mix, and a water bottle. "I'd say we're about even."

"You sure about that?" He challenged me.

"Unless you have a house in that backpack, yeah."

"Maybe not, but...here, turn around."

"What?"

"Just do it," he said rolling his eyes.

I rolled my eyes back at him before I stood up and turned to the wall.

I suddenly felt a coolness against my throat, and I looked down to see a beautiful silver necklace. There was a heart-shaped locket on it. I gasped, and turned to him.

He smirked and said, "Open it."

I opened it up, and etched into the silver were three little words: "I love you."

My heart beat wildly as I glanced at his chapped lips, wondering, should I, oh, should I, kiss him?

"Bullet, what, oh what, should we do?" He asked as he leaned towards me.

"Should I..." He whispered and he cupped his hand under my chin.

"Kiss me." I finished his sentence, but it came out more like a command.

His hand still under my chin, I placed my hand against his face, and I pulled his lips against mine, into a kiss.

My first kiss.

(Image from Kayla
Author's Note:
I turned this Nursery Rhyme into a short Young Adult story, since Young Adult is my favorite genre to write in.

I typically write Young Adult Fantasy and Paranormal Romance, but I had a fun time writing this one. As you could tell, I changed the little boy and girl into a teenage boy and girl that live on the street. I also kept them living in an alley.

Though this one wasn't fantastical, the world was interesting to me.

I loved the bit of dialogue in the original version, so I kept that in my story, but I made it more modern with "should" instead of "shall." I think the dialogue was both cute and fit Colt's personality quite well.

I created Colt and Bullet just for this story, but I really like them, so you may see more of them in the future! In fact, they are in my story, "I Got Your Heart, You Got Bullet Holes."

Also, I snuck in a little nod to Norse Mythology and their version of the apocalypse, Ragnarok.

Bibliography:
This story was based on a love and matrimony nursery rhyme from The Nursery Rhyme Book, edited by Andrew Lang (1897).  

5 comments:

  1. How great, Lore: what a fabulous contrast between the "I will kiss you" rhyme and the title of the story! That tension just pulls us right along, and then you plunge us into the first-person narrative. Yes! Wonderful details to make the scene come alive... and then it turns out Bullet is a name! Ha! What a fun surprise (Colt and Bullet fooled me in the title) — along with all these great names from the Norse world. And the requisite kiss at the end, as the rhyme promised. I would definitely be glad to see more of Colt and Bullet in stories to come! :-)

    And, again, a very big apology from me for the snafu with the comment groups! Hopefully you will bring Colt and Bullet back in another story... and then you can link back to this one so it will get some readers too I hope. I am glad anyway that my mistake gave me a chance to get to meet them!

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  2. Lore,

    I really love the layout of this thread. It is intense. I really like the fact that even though it is intricate and beautiful it does not overwhelm. Keeping the lettering to a light grey versus the dark grey back ground made it easier to read than a black and white theme would. I also love the use of read as your links. Definitely makes me feel vampirish. The dialog is completely believable. I love the world of these two kids living on the street. The hyper realistic descriptions of the characters really drew me into the story.

    I really like the flow of the story but feel like there should be that last bit of tension and uncertainty. What if it was Bullet who ended the nursery rhyme instead of Colt. Then you would have a stronger female lead as well. Since the story already follows her mostly I feel like this would be appropriate and allow Colt and the audience to be in limbo not knowing whether she would accept the gift.

    Also what if she had been followed? Perhaps by the law? Or even start with a chase. That will catch the audience really fast and pull them into your story.

    The artwork in this is beautiful. I truly love that you are taking this and adding art that really jogs the creative mind with your characters.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your VERY helpful advice! I would have added more like with the law and such if I had more room. Unfortunately a limit of 1,000 words is not enough. HOWEVER, that is something that I may include in a future story. I just wanted the focal point of this one to be the kiss.

      Which, speaking of which THANK YOU. You were right about how she should kiss him, and how that is much more strong, and so I changed the ending a little bit, taking your advice! ALSO I included a small detail that explains why they know about mythology.

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  3. Lore,

    I really enjoyed reading this story. I have yet to read something of yours that I have not liked. The way you implement your dialogue into the story is great. The connection between Bullet and Colt is explained very well. Also, the way you connected the nursery rhyme into an actual story is fantastic.

    Overall, great story!

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  4. Lore! Hey girl, when I saw that we didn’t have assigned people to read, I automatically knew that I was going to read from your storybook! I absolutely enjoyed reading your entries after reading them last week. I am going to leave comments as I read and hopefully you’ll be able to follow them once I am done.

    Borrowing things from people has become a career for me, and yet each time I feel that same Pop! Zing! and Zap! of adrenaline.

    -- I like how you italicized borrow since we all know that Kali isn’t exactly in the position to return the items she borrowed back to the owners right away.

    "Sure, sure," he said, looking up into my eyes, but my eyes settled on his chapped lips.

    I shook my head, because, no Colt was my friend and nothing more. Or, well, we were supposed to be just friends. Try telling my heart that...

    -- Hmm, this makes me feel like Kali has a little thing for this person, but im not too sure, yet, if he feels the same. Ya know, guys can be so oblivious when it comes to things like this, sometimes.

    Ahhhh!! I just finished reading the story and surprisingly, he feels the same about her! I am literally in love with love and that was just SO precious! You did such a great job helping me to visualize the entire exchange between them and exactly how the entire scene played out. Ahh that is so great, they love each other and that’s beautiful. Great job with it all!

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